I’m straightedge! My Stay Clean t-shirt is straightedge! My cat won’t even touch catnip because he’s fucking straightedge! My kitchen table is straightedge! I don’t drink, smoke or shoot pool because I’m straightedge! I haven’t smiled in six years because I’m straightedge! I don’t laugh at jokes because I’m straightedge! And I’m totally pissed off at the wall and everything else because I’m straightedge! Come to think of it, I’m so fucking straightedge I can’t stand it! Do you think a beer might help?
Ah, but let’s be serious for a moment. Washington D.C.’s Minor Threat has always been a conundrum to me. Their patented brand of hardcore was the catchiest and most abrasive this side of early Black Flag, and by far the purest; Greg Ginn’s guitar lent Black Flag what can only be called an art rock touch, one that Ian MacKaye and Company had no use for whatsoever.
In short, when it came to the hardcore medium Minor Threat were the shit, and if you like hardcore as much as I do what could be the problem? The answer, of course, was the message: MacKaye famously used the band’s songs as platforms for his straightedge philosophy, and unless you’re a fan of the kinds of strident moralizing that made Cotton Mather such a well-spring of human warmth, Ian’s preaching was, well, off-putting. Especially if you enjoyed the sorts of extracurricular activities (drinking, smoking, fucking, smiling) that MacKaye seemed to find so reprehensible.
On such straightedge anthems as “Straightedge” and “Out of Step” Minor Threat took direct aim at people like me, and I couldn’t help but push back. It did not escape my notice that puritanism didn’t seem to make MacKaye very happy, and it certainly didn’t imbue him with a sense of humor–rage was his metier, and he unlike a lot of other angry young hardcore types he wasn’t about to leaven it with a welcome touch of levity. In short, he was a puritan, and being a puritan ain’t supposed to be fun.
That said, MacKaye’s spite and anger were the point; you can’t get orange juice out a rock, and you either take Ian as he is or leave him alone. I couldn’t do either for a long time, but there came a day that I finally said fuck it and decided to enjoy Minor Threat for their musical merits.
Still, the libertine in me rankles; “Bottled Violence” would lead you to believe that it was drunks like me who were starting all those brawls at hardcore shows in D.C., when straightedge goons were behind a fair share of the violence. And the human being in me still balks at the morally nettlesome “Guilty of Being White,” as much as I’m inclined to write off his male white grievance as the ignorant sentiment of a confused teenager.
That said, Minor Threat kicked musical ass, and when it comes down to product you might as well go whole hog and buy 1989’s Complete Discography. It will only set you back 12 bucks, and every one of its 26 songs (except “Guilty of Being White”) gets this conflicted critic’s seal of approval.
You get 23 originals as well as 3 great covers of songs by Wire, Paul Revere and the Raiders, and the Standells, and if like me you have no use whatsoever for MacKaye’s straightedge sentiments well, just squint your ears like I do–take away the words and “Straightedge” is one of the purest blasts of hardcore ever, and “Out of Step” is both bracing and cathartic.
A few songs stick out; the chimes and great bass line that open “Salad Days” render it forever memorable, and on the almost Stooges-like “Cashing In” MacKaye demonstrates–can it be?–an actual sense of humor. A puritan’s sense of humor, mind you, but still–he sounds positively jolly as he laughs his way to the bank, and Lyle Preslar’s mutant guitar stylings are quite unlike the furiously straight-ahead approach he takes elsewhere.
“Minor Threat” is almost as good a band theme song as “Hey, Hey We’re the Monkees,” and I appreciate the humility. “Small Man, Big Mouth” is 55 seconds of unrelenting scorn; “Screaming at a Wall” is practically long-winded at 1:31, and boy does MacKaye sound pissed. Unfortunately he ALWAYS sounds pissed, and he’s not really that good at explaining why; had he been able to lighten up some, condescended to be funny, or shown even a glimpse of good-old fashioned human warmth and compassion (like the Minutemen) once in a while, Minor Threat might have been my favorite hardcore band ever.
Their cover of the Standells “Good Guys (Don’t Wear White)” ain’t hardcore but it sure is fun, and the most likable song they ever recorded. MacKaye speaks the words instead of singing them and isn’t afraid to holler off-key, and the band pitches in like, well, a garage band. And Minor Threat offers up a positively run amok cover of Wire’s “12XU” that is all powerhouse guitar and MacKaye sputter and wail–he literally keens himself into a coughing fit before screaming “Flex Your Head!”
It was rage that attracted me to hardcore in the first place, so it’s odd that I always find myself balking at MacKaye’s. But then I remember that the other thing that attracted me to hardcore was its savage humor. The last thing I wanted in my hardcore was earnestness, and sober-sides Ian may well be the most earnest person who has ever lived.
Hell, I might even have been able to handle his anti-everything-fun message had he leavened it with a dose of laughter; Black Flag also liked to poke fun at drunks like me, but they were funny about it, and I could laugh (and sing) along. MacKaye’s humorlessness and self-righteousness just irked me, and it took me years to live and let live.
I’ve come to understand where MacKaye was coming from; I continued to find booze and drugs hilarious even while they were doing their best to kill me, and I still laugh thinking back on the crazy and self-destructive shit I did. But MacKaye was smart enough to spare himself all of it, and he may have steered a few souls down the path of prudence while he was at it. And what’s so terrible about that?
Nothing, that’s what. MacKaye is a man of principle and does good things; Lord knows the world needs more people like him. Hell, he’s even been kind to me despite the negative things I’ve said about him, and I feel rather guilty for saying some of them again. The guy’s a real mensch, ladies and gentlemen, and I tip my cap to him.
Still, his very self-serious message of angry abstinence will never strike a chord in me, both because I’m not a puritan and because like Oscar Wilde I believe life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. There’s no beating Minor Threat when it comes to their music–Complete Discography is a landmark, and you owe it to yourself to buy a copy and play it at top volume. But I’m docking it a notch for lack of joy.
GRADED ON A CURVE:
B
