Low Cut Connie wants you to know they’re not Elton John. They’re on their knees pleading, up in your face screaming “Who are you going to believe–us or your own ears?” But you know what? I don’t give a flying feather boa. I like Elton John. No, nix that–I adore Elton John. I adore his voice, I adore his Glam Apocalypse fashion sense, and I most definitely adore the five grand pianos he’s been know to lug around on tour and probably plays with one hand at the same time. There’s nothing Captain Fantastic–who’s breaking hearts (mine included) on his Farewell Tour as I write this–can’t do.
So who cares if Low Cut Connie’s songs are second-hand pastiches of Elton’s songs, right down to the one about herpes, a subject His Wonderfulness got to first on “Social Disease”? Nobody! And who cares if on certain songs songwriter/vocalist/pianist Adam Weiner sounds eerily like the King of Chub himself? Certainly not me, or Sir Elton for that matter-he’s stated for the record Low Cut Connie’s one of his favorite bands.
On 2017’s Dirty Pictures (Part 1), Philadelphia’s best ever EJ tribute band go about making a record the same way their role model does–by slapping a disparate buncha songs on it, whether they make for a coherent whole or not (see Goodbye Yellow Brick Road).
You get some ballads (“Forever,” a transparent rip of Elton’s “Roy Rogers,” and “Montreal”), a razor-blade guitar rocker a la “The Bitch Is Back” (“Love Life”), a pair of piano rockers (“Revolution Rock n Roll” and “Dirty Water”), a first-generation rock ‘n’ roll pastiche along the lines of “Crocodile Rock” (“Death and Destruction”), and a cool Rolling Stones’ knock-off (“Angela,” on which the band doubles down on its love for “Crocodile Rock” by tossing in its trademark la la la la la).
Low Cut Connie’s obviously spent the past 15 years poring over Everything Elton, from his songcraft to his piano playing right down to his fearless forays into the gutter–in addition to “Social Disease” he’s penned songs about masturbation, dirty old lesbians, and the dirty little girls who may well love dirty old lesbians. And just to prove he’s the biggest perv to come down the pike since Chuck Berry, he packed every single one of ‘em onto the same album.
But like I’ve been saying over and over again, who cares? Whether you’re a hardcore Elton fan or just a fellow traveler, Dirty Pictures (Part 1) is both statement of purpose (“Let’s be derivative!”) and a whole lot of fun–truth be told I adore every single song on it. Any sane person will turn on the Feathered One instead, but there are times in every human being’s life when a significant other says something to the effect that if you play one more Elton John song I’ll rip your tonsils out of your mouth with a pair of pliers and then defenestrate you, and dropping this next best thing on the turntable instead could well save lives.
In 2018 Low Cut Connie released Dirty Pictures (Part 2), and it’s every bit as Captain Fantabulous as this one. That said, I kinda wish they’d put them together, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road style, as a double album. If you’re going the Elton John route, why not go all the way? Elton always has.
GRADED ON A CURVE:
A
