My Fake Plastic First Love
“I’ll never forget my first record player. It was a hand-me-down Fisher-Price “toy” that came with brightly coloured plastic “records” containing all the hits I was fond of at the time including such classics as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” It never ceased to amaze me how the jaggedy little groves turned into sound as soon as the needle went over them.
Although it was cheap, thick plastic, to me it was a serious piece of kit that enabled me to spin tunes that I could dance and sing to all day long, right up until sleepy bye bye time.
Today’s kids though, don’t have a clue what a record is. Take my friend’s teenage daughter for example who actually asked her mum what a vinyl record was. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe such a massive part of my childhood has been lost to the next generation in my lifetime.
I know what you’re saying, it’s all about the digital, man. But don’t give me that while you’re putting a sepia filter on your Polaroid-shaped Instagram. Retro is in. Vinyl is still selling, albeit to a niche market of audiophiles and old-school DJs. It’s a good thing too because think what you would lose—in fact, what a whole generation of MP3 listeners are missing out on, when vinyl is taken out of the picture.
Firstly, the English language becomes that little bit poorer. Not only does vinyl lose its meaning, but what of the terms :A-side,” “B-side,” “7-inch,” etc? With digital music files stored in bytes, the very idea of a side becomes obsolete. Does that mean we won’t get the B-sides and rarities albums from bands anymore either? No more extra tracks that didn’t make it onto the album, just endless variations of the same song on a single? Well, I guess the idea of albums and singles is also on its way out anyway…
In any case, we must keep vinyl alive if only to keep thoughts of a 7-inch, 10-inch and 12-inch clean. What about the concepts of 33⅓ and 45? Will anyone in the future know what Tjinder Singh is going on about in that Cornershop hit of the 90s, “Brimful of Asha?”
While we’re on rotations per minute, what about all the fun mishaps you can have with the different speeds? Who knew that playing a Kylie Minogue 7″ on 33⅓ instead of 45 would result in her sounding exactly like Rick Astley?
There is also much amusement to be had spinning records at your own speed manually, even spinning them backwards. How else would you otherwise decipher the messages from Satan hidden backwards on your metal records, or Mogwai’s insightful back chat on “Yes! I’m a Long Way From Home” on Young Team? Lastly, let’s not forget the art form of scratching. It makes a lot more sense though when you’re using vinyl and a stylus. Even Prince Charles does it this way.
On the subject of art, since LP artwork generally comes in 12 inches, it is much bigger than your average cover flow. You can also hold it in your hands, so you get that sense of ownership, making vinyl much more of a collectible item than just something you’ve downloaded.
It’s for all these reasons that I love vinyl and will continue to collect it. They are like stamps for me and I love to collect a band’s whole “set.” In a record shop I’m like that proverbial kid in that candy store, what with the limited editions and double A-sides all around me in all different colours, sometimes even glitter!
Here are some random favourites from my record collection:
Pavement, Wowee Zowee
The first record ever given to me as a gift. It’s my favourite Pavement record and it’s been played to death. It’s a double vinyl gatefold LP and Steve Keene’s artwork is fantastic. I also have the Watery Domestic 12-inch picture disc with the rooster, which is obviously an amazing-looking piece of vinyl.
Novak, Rapunzel
This is just one of those songs you find and immediately fall in love with making your whole search totally worthwhile. Excellent artwork too – an illustration of Rapunzel letting her hair down which was partially coloured in by the band themselves giving you the option of finishing it off. Too bad they’re not around anymore.
Pulp, Different Class
This came with 12 different inserts that you could choose for the cover! It has a window cut out and you just pick the picture you want and slip it in there. Amazing!
Sonic Youth, 100%
This was a recent purchase on tour. It’s numbered and it’s orange vinyl!
Cornelius, Star Fruits Surf Rider
I love Cornelius’s style and his live shows are of course a visual feast. His records are also beautifully presented. I managed to pick up a rare 5 inch vinyl, “I Love Love / I Hate Hate,” at some record shop. It was apparently a tour-only record and it comes in an attractively folded card banner. But I’ve chosen Star Fruits Surf Rider because it comes on two 12 inches, the second of which I’m still searching for.
Apparently, you get a whole new mix when you play the two records’ b-sides simultaneously. It’s little touches like this that I just adore as a collector.”
—Martha, Dead Wolf Club
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Dead Wolf Club Tour Dates:
8/4 – Rhondda Rocks, Wales
8/27 – Hullabaloo Festival, Leckhampton, Cheltenham, Gloucester
9/1 – Loadstar Festival, Cambridge
9/1 -1234 Festival After-Party, London tbc.
