Contrary to some rumblings I heard last week at the debut of TVD’s new advice column, I—me, Jon—am not Ms. Mixtape. I’m flattered, but if that were actually true, the lil’ graphic up there would read Mr. Mixdrink. I mean, c’mon.
That said, we’re delighted to get into it properly this week with a few questions submitted by you, safe and snug on that side of the monitor.
Shoot your questions and tales of woe to Ms. Mixtape at msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com and she’ll endeavor to unspool your dilemmas in this spot each week. Now—onward!
Q: I hate costume parties and avoid them at all costs. My significant other is dragging me to a rock star-themed party next week, though, and I can’t get out of it. Do you have any ideas for a quick and easy, but recognizable, costume?
A: Weird Al Yankovic.
No. Do not do that. I feel a little bad for even suggesting it.
I went to a Betty Ford Clinic-themed party once (right?) which was a fancy way of saying that people were dressed up as rock stars or nurses. The folks who tried to be a specific rock star ended up falling pretty flat. You are not Amy Winehouse. We all know that. Nor are you Liam Gallagher, but who the heck did you think would even recognize Liam Gallagher on the street, anyway?
No, the best costumes at this party were…well there was only one best costume. Brother showed up in mirrored sunglasses, pajama pants, slippers, and an open bathrobe with a whiskey bottle in the pocket. Not only is this instantly identifiable as “rock star,” it allows you to conveniently carry your own booze the whole night. Have fun!
Q: I need some ideas to avoid calling someone. My girlfriend and I just broke up after ten years together and we spoke together every day of those ten years. I don’t know what will happen in the future but if we can stay friends or even get back together, it won’t be until we have time apart. Even though I know that, I want to talk to her every day. It’s getting hard to resist the temptation to call her just to hear her voice. Any practical ideas for getting past this would be great.
A: Awww, I’m sorry! This sounds heartbreaking.
First, congratulations on being approximately 14,099 times more mature than most humans. Recognizing that sometimes people just need time and space is kind of a big deal.
Now put down that Smiths album. Admit it, you were about to listen to “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” for the 42nd time today. Stop it. Temporarily excise anything sad, gloomy, emo, self-pitying, or even slightly downtempo from your music collection. Your brain needs to be distracted, and you probably need to feel energized. Power pop works well for me when I need a boost, but do what feels energizing for you. Just not anything sad. Listening to sad-bastard music will only make you feel sadder.
Instead, revisit uptempo stuff that makes you happy. If you’re reading the Vinyl District, you’re obviously into music enough that you probably have a big library of tunes. I know you were with your lady for a long time, but I don’t believe for a second that every album you own reminds you of her. After one particularly rough breakup, I spent a lot of time being sad that most punk rock was temporarily off limits. But then I remembered that I freaking LOVE Squeeze, and that Squeeze didn’t have any associations (good or bad) with my ex, and so I pretty much listened to “Cool for Cats” every morning a few times to get myself out of bed. For, like, months. My roommate hated me. But I felt better.
Another thing that might be good is to find a friend or ten who like you enough that they’ll allow you to call them, instead of your ex, when you get that urge. These should be some fabby friends, though, because it sounds like you’ll be calling them a LOT. But you might be surprised, if you ask, how many people in your life would be willing to do this for you. They don’t have to do anything weird like put on a girly voice and pretend to be your ex or even listen to what you wanted to say to your ex. The conversation can just be like, “hey awesome friend, I really want to call my ex right now,” and then awesome friend can be all,” I’m so proud of you for not calling her, and I’m glad you called me instead, and I know this is the suckiest thing but stay strong.” That’s it. So if you can find friends who will tell you those things, over and over again, that might help a whole bunch.
Finally keep a journal, maybe. Journals are the best. It doesn’t have to be in a diary or even on paper, and you don’t even have to write if, say, your handwriting is terrible or you have terrible hand cramps or you’ve lost every pen you’ve ever owned. You can record your thoughts any ol’ way you want. Just, you know, get them out of your head, and not into hers. Was there a particular time of day y’all used to talk? Or maybe a time of day that you find you’re consistently feeling all lonely? You can make that your journaling time, and that’ll help your brain re-encode that time for you. But, you know, listen to something peppy while you do it. No wallowing being the big thing here.
Have a question for Ms. Mixtape?
msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com
