Sunday is usually a shitty day to do anything other than day drink and pass out early because you have to go to work the next day. This Sunday is an exception: Kings in Raleigh has a triple threat bill of Veelee, Motor Skills and Juan Huevos. It’s billed as a Valentine’s Day show–which, being that this is the day before the actual Hallmark Holiday, should help get you all hot and bothered for the actual day.
To be sure you’re well prepped for the show, Juan Huevos has offered up a Valentine’s Day playlist to get you in the mood–complete with explanations below. Check back in this space Monday as we should have downloadable version that you can use that night when you’re getting it on–which is, admittedly, a kind perverse thought.
The show is $5 and starts and 9:30 p.m.
20 Great Love Songs for a Fake As F*** Holiday
brought to you by Juan Huevos
ah, yes. Valentine’s Day. not invented by Hallmark, but certainly exploited by it. a celebration of one partner’s stupidity, and the other’s “quirk” of equating love with presents. perhaps they will meet in the meet in the middle, with a last minute dinner reservation or a trip to the jewelry store, an awkward gift of a much-dreaded sexual act, the watching of a “chick flick” or a “movie with Jason Statham in it” (which is a gift for ANYONE as far as the author is concerned). no matter what, nothing can put you in the mood for love like a good song. or help ease the pain of love because love is stupid stupid stupid and absolutely the worst thing in the world. here are 20 songs, like, dealing with the subject.
1. Teddy Pendergrass “Come On Over To My Place”
no one can make a woman hot and bothered like Teddy P. in the song, the muse reveals that she is slightly bored. Teddy is gonna change all that, and he is not above begging. this is also sampled by Jayo Felony’s “Sherm Stick”, an ode to smokin dip.
2. LL Cool J “I Need Love”
i am not going to bet that LL created “whisper rap”, but he certainly perfected it. and you can tell he really means it when he says “you can scratch my back, we’ll get cozy and huddle / i’ll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle”. chivalry was not dead in 1987. too bad what he needs now is a reverse face lift.
3. Pet Shop Boys “What Have I Done To Deserve This?”
Neil Tennant spits a tough rap on this one. he pours the drinks and crushes the flowers. hard as f***.
4. Bootsy Collins “I’d Rather Be With You”
there is so much good snapping in this song. definitely takes me back to a time i never lived in because i wasn’t even born yet so what the hell do i know about bean bag chairs?
5. Tony Toni Tone “Anniversary”
man, i sure hope i put all those Tonys in the right order. if you had a karaoke machine set up in the kitchen when your wife got home from work and you were singing this and it actually was your anniversary … i think that is what they had in mind when they wrote it. people doing that.
6. The Dream “Falsetto”
you know that song that’s playing when you and a girl are on the way back to your house in your car and you’re laughing and carrying on and you know you are about to hook up? this is that song.
7. Berlin “Take My Breath Away”
even though they show Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis doing it to this song, it was actually about Iceman.
8. Sir Mix-A-Lot “Romantic Interlude”
no joke, Sir Mix-A-Lot is actually a knight. he was knighted because of this song. hilarious flip of new wave euro weirdness. dude was doing ill sh!t way before the butt song.
9. The Platters “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”
beautifully sung song about how a guy assures his boys that his girl loves him, and then they clown his ass when she dumps him.
10. Juan Huevos “Love U So Much”
from my “i-think-i-wanna-be-new-wave-
so-i’m-going-to-play-synths-and-sing-in-a-high-voice” period. the whispered refrain is actually because my girlfriend was asleep in the other room and i wanted to be quiet, not because i thought it would be cool. it was really cold, too, you can hear a space heater running in the background.
11. Slick Rick “Teenage Love”
the chorus to this so so so good. little bit of a cautionary tale hidden within, but not preachy. Slick Rick is the best. great sensitive rap song.
12. d*r*i* “Indria”
i have no idea who this girl is, seen her on myspace and that’s it. this song is so intense, it’s great. pretty sure she makes a reference to drinking “vats of wine” but maybe she says something else. she asks at the end “why should i keep it real?” seriously, that’s a good question. you always call her up and say you wanna see her. if that’s true, then where are you? she might have been in a Hyundai commercial.
13. Shelia E. “A Love Bizarre”
great lyrics, great chorus. basically a Prince song sung by Shelia E. love how they count down in the song with A, B, C, D instead of 1, 2, 3, 4. unfortunately, the word “bizzare” makes me think of the Insane Clown Posse and i really hate that.
14. Meanest Man Contest “Some People (Just Get Off On Breaking Hearts)”
i listened to this over and over again during my most recent break up. these guys are buddies of mine and make great music. the chrous rules. there may be a big metaphor for something more deep than the obvious going on in this song, but i’m too dumb to figure out, so i just put it on repeat and drive the speed limit. it makes me feel better.
15. The Isley Brothers “Ain’t I Been Good To You (part I and II)”
Ronald Isley is feeling it on this song, and you should, too. great call and response part with guitar stab answers. 8 minutes of blood from one of the best soul singers ever. terrible at paying taxes, but what a great voice.
16. Bubblegum Blue Girl “Track 2”
all i know is that this song was on a compilation by my friends and peers over at Matte Black Editions. i don’t even know if that is the name of the band or the name of the song, but everyone who has ever heard this gets caught under its spell.
17. Death From Above 1979 “Going Steady”
this is a song i want to listen to during something kinky going on, preferably some kind of “separated by glass” thing. high heels in the mix. but that’s just me.
18. The O’Jays “Cry Together”
i’m gonna let a youtube comment sum this one up: “Back in the day, this was like a weapon of last resort. If you couldn’t get lovin’ off this song, then it was time to either turn in your playa card — or look to a new honey. 🙂 Seriously, this brings back some really good memories. Helped me learn about myself and relationships.” sho nuf.
19. Depeche Mode “Blue Dress”
me and a girlfriend were on our way home, this came on, and i drove past the exit because we freaked out about how good it was, we just wanted to keep riding in the car and listening to it. probably played it 3 times, rewinding the tape.
20. Prince “The Beautiful Ones”
how can you decide on the Prince song? this list could have been ALL Prince songs. but i really love this one. it is very pretty and great to put on a mixtape you are making for a girl that you are hoping to lose your virginity to. P asks “if we got married, would that be cool?” duh. “do you want him? or do you want me? cause i want you.” no bullsh!t. i love that about the lil’ fella. he gets right to it. the guy from Yo La Tengo with the glasses does a wonderful cover of this.
